From time to time, I like to share some of the rib ticklers that make their way into my e-mail inbox. This one came to me from Wendi, who is well known for her superb sense of humor.
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy,
Your back goes out more then you do.You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks in the room.
The family Christmas party is held at your house.
You have to reintroduce yourself at the class reunion . . . . and you were class president.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
The only reason you’re still awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.
The pharmacy gives you a volume discount.
People ask what color your hair used to be.
You are proud of your lawnmower.
You start singing with the elevator music
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You really do want a new wash machine for your birthday.
An old lady offers you her seat on the bus.
Your car must have four doors
The phone rings and you hope it’s not for you.
You routinely check the oil in your car.
You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back in style twice.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You write “thank-you” notes without being told
8 a.m. is your idea of “sleeping in”
Neighbors borrow your tools.
You have a dream about prunes.
People call you at 9 a.m.and ask “Did I wake you?”
You’ve recently said, “I can’t hear myself think!”
You tell the barber to comb it over the best he can.
Others ask for your recipes
You’ve worn out the TV Guide by Thursday
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You stop watering the lawn to yell at someone for driving too fast down your street
Things you bought new start showing up in antique stores.
You seriously consider a burial plot
You read the obituaries dailyYou say the words, “Turn that music down!”
Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu.
You begin a sentence by saying, “When I was your age . . . “
You wear black socks with sandals.
You point out what buildings used to be where.
You give your used furniture to other people . . .. and they’re happy to get it.
Nobody ever tells you to “slow down!”
You fill up the tank whenever you buy gas.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
Your bell bottoms are belled at both ends.
Do any of those apply to you?
Hey, what's wrong with Christmas shopping in August?!
And I know which one applies to you, Chuck. You love your Deere.
I woke my mother with a call at 9:09 the other day. Sheesh.
But I see myself in too many of those other statements, Chuck. Scary!
"People call you at 9 a.m.and ask "Did I wake you?"" More true when I was younger, actually.
A few do.