From my e-mail diary

This one came from my friend, Clarence.  We were high school classmates.  He has a great sense of humor and loves to send me gems such as this story about a police officer who got on the wrong side of a wily motorist.

A  mature (over 70) lady gets pulled over for  speeding…

Older  Woman:  Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer:  Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older  Woman:  Oh, I see.

Officer:  Can I see your license please?

Older  Woman:  I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. 

Officer:  Don’t have one?

Older  Woman:  Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. 

Officer:  I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. 

Older  Woman:  I can’t do that.

Officer:  Why not?

Older  Woman:  I stole this car.

Officer:  Stole it?

Older  Woman:  Yes, and I killed and hacked up the  owner.

Officer:  You what?

Older  Woman:  His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see 

The Officer looks at the  woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.  Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman’s car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his drawn pistol. 

Officer  2:  Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle  please! The  woman steps out of her vehicle. 

Older  woman:  Is there a problem sir?

Officer  2:  One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and  murdered the owner.

Older  Woman:  Murdered the owner? 

Officer  2:  Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,  please.

The  woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty  trunk. 

Officer  2:  Is this your car, ma’am?

Older  Woman:  Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite  stunned. 

Officer  2:  One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. 

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out her license and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the  license. He looks quite puzzled. 

Officer  2:  Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a  license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked  up the owner.

Older  Woman:  Bet the liar told you I was speeding,  too.

How can you top that one?