These came into my inbox last evening.  They are from my good friend Roy.  He has quite the sense of humor.

• I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, ‘So which six items would you like to buy?’

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• Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. ‘Young man, we’re both 90 years old, ‘ the husband said. ‘We may not have 45 minutes.’ They were seated immediately.

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• The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

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• All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

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• Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

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• Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. ‘God, what does a million years mean to you?’ The Lord replies, ‘A minute.’ Smith asks, ‘And what does a million dollars mean to you?’
  The Lord replies, ‘A penny.’
  ‘Smith asks, ‘Can I have a penny?’
  ‘The Lord replies, ‘In a minute.’

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• A man goes to a shrink and says, ‘Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?
  ‘Relax,’ says the Doctor, ‘take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?’

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• John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. ‘Give me one last request, dear,’ he said.
  ‘Of course, John,’ his wife said softly.
  ‘Six months after I die,’ he said, ‘I want you to marry Bob.’
  ‘But I thought you hated Bob,’ she said.
  With his last breath John said, ‘I do!’

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• A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
  The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
  The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’
  The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’
  The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’
  The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’
  A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’
  The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’

 Personal Update

We are off this morning [very early] on a day trip to an Amish farm.  We’re going with a group from our church, and the day-long trip should be a lot of fun for us.  Our son Scott has returned home and granddaughter Briana is back on campus ready for the fall semester to begin.

I’ve posted four photos on my FaceBook page from our photo shoot of this last week.  We had a friend and professional come to do the shoot with us.  We are very pleased with what we have seen thus far.

Tomorrow, we’ll leave right after breakfast to visit Sylvia’s father.  I’m hoping to help him with an electrical problem he has.

I hope your life isn’t as crazy as ours has been for us lately.  I also hope that you are enjoying a healthy level of insanity.  It is needed.

Here’s an interesting tidbit from Sylvia’s cousin, the retired cop.  I cannot confirm the veracity of this story, but I think you’ll find it interesting.

This is the reason there is no entrance exam to get into a State prison.

BURGLARY IN FLORIDA

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich’s house was burglarized recently thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did find however, was a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That’s at least the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, ‘that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they’d probably thought they’d hit the big time.’

Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: ‘Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.’

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan’s doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude’s ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said:

‘Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.

Busy Day

I’m off to renew my auto registration and driver’s license.  I could have done it all by mail, but instead of that I buried the notice in a pile of papers on my desk.  I hate when that happens.  Fortunately, I have a few days before they expire, but I’ll be busy most of that time.  Gotta go . . .  Have a great day.

Postscript

I was less than 20 minutes at the Secretary of State’s office this morning.  That sure was easy!  I arrived about an hour after office opening time.  The first wave was just clearing out.  As I left, another fellow was walking in.  He wouldn’t have to wait.  There were two clerks, and only one of them was busy.