Category Archives: Family

The Secret Revealed

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A commenter on yesterday’s post asked about our secret for being happily married after 48 years. There are two factors, but first some background.

We had a lot going for us. We grew up in similar homes with similar values. Sylvia might have been the girl next door, but for the fact that we grew up in different communities. If we had grown up in the same neighborhood, I believe our mothers would have been the best of friends. We had similar religious beliefs, grew up with the same expections. Our families were about the same in terms of economic position. Both of us grew up with a strong work ethic and respect for other people.

Even with that, it was not easy. Then we discovered the roles of love and respect. Discovery was a process. It took time to work our way through to understanding.

A man needs respect. For that reason, I respected my wife. In other words I gave her what I needed. She needs love, so she showered me with love. We were not connecting.

A lot of things began to happen, and we began to change. I was taking the Dale Carnagie Sales Course. They taught me how to pay compliments. (You give a reason so that it is not empty flattery.) I had to work at home and on the job to find things to praise people for and then tell them about it. Alternatively, I could tell an associate who would be sure to pass the compliment along. At home, I began to look at what Sylvia did, the way she dressed, the way she cooked, the things she said, the way she dealt with our sons, etc. When I started looking, I was amazed, she did so many things right. I began to tell her what I was noticing. The way she did her hair was stylish and highlighted her lovely face. The way she talked with each boy every day and spent some special time with them one-on-one. I don’t think there is a better cook in the world. Every day my list of things I liked about her continued to grow. I realized that I loved her more than anything else in the world.

About that same time Sylvia was in a Bible study where they learned that a wife should respect her husband. She started putting that more into practice. (It wasn’t that we didn’t love and respect each other, it just didn’t have much intensity). She began to react to me in a way that made me feel better about me and about her.

Thus started a process of me giving more of the love that she needs, and she giving more of the respect that I need. It was dynamite! It was like falling in love all over again. Our lives were radically transformed. It started with the process of meeting the other’s needs. It continues everyday and to this very day.

— Chuck

In the beginning of this process I remember changing my prayers for Chuck from asking God to change this and that about Chuck to thanking the Lord for my husband’s generosity to me and others, how he always provided for his family by working hard, that he loved me and our sons and was never abusive.

When I was having a rough year at work that demanded a lot of my time until late into the afternoon, he decided to take a pay cut and step down from a supervisory position so he could do his job mostly at home and get supper started most every night—or take me out to eat, which we did more often that year.

We don’t think the same (male and female brains are definitely wired differently), but we have learned to respect each other’s viewpoint and agree to disagree on the small stuff. But each day we show our love thru small, sometimes humorous ways and look for chances to help each other enjoy life.

— Sylvia

I Did It! – Monday ~ Happy Birthday Dad!

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Leon (Sylvia’s Dad) and Elouise (Mom) in 1934.

We think that it was on this day (September 7) in 1917 that Sylvia’s father was born. In the excitement taking place in the country home, no one thought to look at the clock. (If the “blessed event” took place before midnight, we’re a day late.) It was 52 years earlier that Leon’s grandfather had moved from Ontario, Canada to St Johns, Michigan.


The family in 1945. Leon and Elouise with daughters, Karen, Sylvia and Joyce.


Today, Leon lives about a mile from the house where he was born. He has lived there alone since Mom passed away in 2001.

Happy 92nd birthday Dad. Just remember, what you do at your party today could be on YouTube tomorrow.

Crisis Today ~ Update Sylvia doing Okay

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Sylvia felt faint while walking on the treadmill today. She did faint and ended up on the concrete floor. I’m writing this while she sips on some orange juice. We’ll be leaving for the clinic to get her some professional care in minutes. Thanks for praying.
— Chuck

Update

Sylvia had finished walking on the treadmill. She felt dizzy and so she rested her head on the reading board while standing on the stopped machine. The next thing she knew she was on the concrete floor looking at the ceiling. She had a cut on the back of her head.

I took her to the urgent care center (a walk-in clinic) in Hastings (Michigan), we would have to wait for over a half-hour so we drove two minutes to the hospital emergency room. In no time they had her admitted, placed in a room, hooked up to monitors and the wound area cleaned up. A couple of talks with the duty doctor and then he put a couple of staples in to close the wound.

We stopped on the way home for Chinese lunch in Lake Odessa. Sylvia is doing fine and is in her LA-Z-Boy reading.

She sends her thanks to all of you who were praying. She wants you to know that she is okay and sends you all a hug.

Happenings ~ Scott

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Later today, Scott will be returning home after a very pleasant visit with us. We’ll miss him and will be looking forward to his next visit.

Scott shows off his black belt.


We had a lot of fun together and he helped me with some projects around the place. If things work out, we’ll have lunch with Bryant (our other son) before Scott leaves for home. We had a lot of fun at Bryant’s house playing Guitar Hero (see Monday’s post).

Scott and I watched several movies together — sort of a Humphrey Bogart pig-out. Sylvia and Scott played Phase 10 most evenings while I worked on bloggy matters.

Things will be different next week. I might even get to bed by my usual target time. On second thought, it probably won’t happen. It has been a good time.

Birthday and Stuff

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It’s my birthday. Before I could finish the previous sentence an e-mail arrived to inform me that son, Bryant, had sent me an e-card. It was cute. Thanks Bryant. This evening, Sylvia and I will celebrate the day with son, Scott, who is visiting us from out of state.


In 1940, just one day after celebrating her 20th birthday, Mom delivered her first born. A son that I call, me. For over 17 years everyone called me Charles. Then I met Sylvia. She changed my given name to Chuck. Four years later, I got even. We changed her surname.


My folks brought me home to this house in the country. Notice who has his mouth wide open.


Mom and me a year later. By 1942 we were living in Lansing. Then in 1943 we moved to Leslie. That is where I went through school. Kindergarten through High School all in the same building.

Contrast that with Scott who had pre-school in Costa Rica. Bilingual kindergarten (Sylvia was his teacher), first and started second grade in Ecuador. After returning to the states, he would attend six other schools before graduating from High School.

Sighting

Sunday afternoon I looked out the window and then called Sylvia. She arrived at the window in time to see the red fox that was crossing our lawn. He was beautiful. A big guy with a white tip on his tail. A friend and farmer from a mile away tells me that he has a lot of foxes around his place.

I Did It! – Monday ~ Family Feud

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Our son, Scott, is visiting and that was the excuse for a recent gathering of our family in Grand Rapids, Michigan. We went for a nice meal and then returned to Bryant and Barbara’s house to continue our fun together. A willing neighbor even took a group photo of us.

Chuck, Sylvia, Scott, Briana, Barbara and Bryant.

We went inside and after an excellent dessert, I asked Briana if she would show me how Guitar Hero works. She said, “Sure!” (I love that girl.) Everybody adjourned to the family room in the basement. Briana and Bryant had the large screen, game machine and the controllers hooked up in no time. And before you can say, “Well, dog my cats” the feud had begun. It was duelling guitars.


We all had a shot at being a Guitar Hero.


Sylvia has played guitar since she was a youngster. Hey! This controller is different. Don’t worry she did very well. The boys remembered something they learned early in life, “Don’t mess with Momma!”

We played the game and Barbara captured the proceedings in digital images. If you have to know the score, I beat nobody. Nobody beat Briana.

Does that mean I’m better? You wouldn’t say so if you had been there. Despite my shaky hands, it was a heap of fun. I’d like to do it again.

My World ~ Crosby Cottage

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Sylvia’s great-grandfather Crosby needed to escape summer heat. His plan was to build a summer cottage in Leelanau County, Michigan on beautiful Glen Lake. He found a spot on the lake that rose quickly to a very high spot above the lake. From there you can see Big Glen, Little Glen, Fisher and Little Fisher Lakes. You can also see Lake Michigan and part of the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes. He couldn’t have picked a better location.


This is the cottage today. It is well shaded. This shot was taken from out by the road, facing west. The privet hedge provides some privacy. Bikers and hikers come by regularly, and you can hear them suck in their breath and proclaim the beauty of the scene. To the east (behind the camera) the hill continues to rise steeply. The result is that the morning sun doesn’t reach this location til nearly noon, and than it’s shaded by the large oak and pine trees. It’s a great place to vacation and unwind.


The shot above was taken from beside the cottage looking west. On the far side of Glen Lake is Alligator Hill. It sort of looks like one — at least it does to a Michiganian.


Zoom the camera in and see the kids tubing on the lake.


Now pan right and see the north end of Glen Lake. On the horizon in the center, you can see part of the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes. Wouldn’t you love to be there?

I Did It! – Monday ~ Music Makers

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Sylvia’s father sold band instruments at one time. He could get a tune out of any of them. In later years, he has dropped the others in favor of his favorite accordion. Sylvia has played the guitar since she was in grade school.


Sylvia has an extra guitar that she keeps at his house. On her weekly visits, they set aside plenty of time for their inevitable jam session. Even when they go on vacation, they take along their instruments. Last week they were at the family cottage on Glen Lake (that’s it in the background). Their faces tell the story — they really do enjoy it.

My World ~ More on the Irving House

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This story started last Friday (July 31) when I included a picture of the house where my father-in-law lives. Yesterday (August 3) I reported that my friend, Vanilla, had steered me to the Sears online archive that held details on that model and on other homes sold by Sears between 1908 and 1940. They report 70,000 to 75,000 homes (in 447 different styles) sold in that 32-year period. From large multi-story dwellings to simple cottages without a bathroom (you could buy a separate outhouse from Sears). Others have commented on homes from Sears.

George and Rachel (Crosby) Irving and their children Leona and Elouise


Sylvia’s mother, Elouise, was born in January 1920. Her father, George Irving, built the house from Sears later that year or in 1921. As reported earlier, materials cost $753 and finished price would have been around $2,000. Some of you thought that was a real bargain, but you need to realize that a skilled tradesman earned about $1 per hour. Everything needed to build the house was shipped by rail from Chicago. (Lin, you could have hooked up the horse and wagon and picked it up direct! Well, you’d probably send Joe.)


The above photo was taken in the 1920s. the lack of flowers and shrubs around the house suggests it was shortly after the house was built. Dirt around the foundations is not disturbed, so it was at least a matter of weeks after the house was completed. That is probably grandmother Rachel standing in front of the porch, and it may be grandfather George at work in the barn.


This final photo was taken in 1935. Rachel had died four years earlier. Just one day after giving birth to a son, who passed away the following day. The child is buried in his mother’s arms. George hired a woman, Florence, to help him care for his three daughters. They were married a couple of years later. Florence is the woman that Sylvia knew as Grandmother Irving.

Nearly 90 years have passed since this house shipped from Sears on a rail car and built by Sylvia’s grandfather was built. It still stands in good condition today. A testament to the quality of the original product and the care that has been taken to keep it maintained.