Today, is Sylvia’s birthday.  She was the third daughter born to her parents in the same number of years.  I don’t have a baby picture of Sylvia, but here’s one from her childhood.

I didn’t know her at that tender age.  This is what she looked like around the time we first met:

Can you see why I fell so hard for her?

Congrats and Happy Birthday Sylvia.  May you celebrate many more.

So this is it. The final day of the year. Do you have big plans to see in the new year tonight? Or will you go to bed at your usual time? That’s what I’m going to do, and I expect to find that the only thing that has changed while I slept is that my beard is a tiny bit longer and the date on the calendar will have changed.

This has been an eventful year. This blog launched on January 2 and a month later we were preparing for Sylvia’s two-and-a-half week trip to Honduras. I sat here evenings reading blogs and preparing my post for the next day while she attended meetings with the “away team.” And then she left.

She was kept very busy translating for the team members, sharing lessons with the children and moms of the neighborhood and, of course, plenty of hands-on for our gal.

This was taken during the final days there. You can see how this Anglo gal has a beautiful coppery tan. Fortunately, she was able to keep me (and you) updated by regular phone calls. It made it easier to tolerate her absence, but I was so happy when she returned — healthy and happy.

After that, I reported about the evening the chair I was sitting on broke. I was at the computer talking with a customer prospect, when I heard a couple of cracking sounds. After the loud crash, I found myself laying on my back. I finished the phone call from that position.

In the fall, Briana (our only grandchild) started her senior year of High School. She was honored with the other seniors on the swim team on senior night.

 

We were thrilled to be there when she was presented along with her parents, Bryant and Barbara. She was a co-captain for the third year in a row.

Proud? You better believe it! And an academic All-State student! How about that?

Before year’s end, she had been accepted for admittance to the Honors College of Grand Valley State University. She plans to pursue an advanced nursing degree. But that’s next fall.

As winter winds up, water-polo season starts up. I’m looking forward to the games. They will be filled with excitement, and I promise to share pictures and stories with you.

As the year end’s, Briana is on a mission to trip to Mexico. If we’re lucky they’ll be stories and pictures to share.

I hope you’ve had a good year, and that the new year brings you more joy than sorrow. And may you have enough. Midnight says, “Meow.”

A commenter on yesterday’s post asked about our secret for being happily married after 48 years. There are two factors, but first some background.

We had a lot going for us. We grew up in similar homes with similar values. Sylvia might have been the girl next door, but for the fact that we grew up in different communities. If we had grown up in the same neighborhood, I believe our mothers would have been the best of friends. We had similar religious beliefs, grew up with the same expections. Our families were about the same in terms of economic position. Both of us grew up with a strong work ethic and respect for other people.

Even with that, it was not easy. Then we discovered the roles of love and respect. Discovery was a process. It took time to work our way through to understanding.

A man needs respect. For that reason, I respected my wife. In other words I gave her what I needed. She needs love, so she showered me with love. We were not connecting.

A lot of things began to happen, and we began to change. I was taking the Dale Carnagie Sales Course. They taught me how to pay compliments. (You give a reason so that it is not empty flattery.) I had to work at home and on the job to find things to praise people for and then tell them about it. Alternatively, I could tell an associate who would be sure to pass the compliment along. At home, I began to look at what Sylvia did, the way she dressed, the way she cooked, the things she said, the way she dealt with our sons, etc. When I started looking, I was amazed, she did so many things right. I began to tell her what I was noticing. The way she did her hair was stylish and highlighted her lovely face. The way she talked with each boy every day and spent some special time with them one-on-one. I don’t think there is a better cook in the world. Every day my list of things I liked about her continued to grow. I realized that I loved her more than anything else in the world.

About that same time Sylvia was in a Bible study where they learned that a wife should respect her husband. She started putting that more into practice. (It wasn’t that we didn’t love and respect each other, it just didn’t have much intensity). She began to react to me in a way that made me feel better about me and about her.

Thus started a process of me giving more of the love that she needs, and she giving more of the respect that I need. It was dynamite! It was like falling in love all over again. Our lives were radically transformed. It started with the process of meeting the other’s needs. It continues everyday and to this very day.

— Chuck

In the beginning of this process I remember changing my prayers for Chuck from asking God to change this and that about Chuck to thanking the Lord for my husband’s generosity to me and others, how he always provided for his family by working hard, that he loved me and our sons and was never abusive.

When I was having a rough year at work that demanded a lot of my time until late into the afternoon, he decided to take a pay cut and step down from a supervisory position so he could do his job mostly at home and get supper started most every night—or take me out to eat, which we did more often that year.

We don’t think the same (male and female brains are definitely wired differently), but we have learned to respect each other’s viewpoint and agree to disagree on the small stuff. But each day we show our love thru small, sometimes humorous ways and look for chances to help each other enjoy life.

— Sylvia

Monday morning, Sylvia and I made the 50-minute trip to her father’s house. Sylvia usually goes alone on Tuesday, but our niece (daughter of Sylvia’s younger sister), Stacy, was there for a visit and we wanted to see her. A few days earlier, she had driven to central Michigan from South Carolina with her boy friend. They returned to school and to work later on Monday.

Dad lives in the house that his father-in-law built when mom was a child. It was a kit from Sears. Can you believe that? It’s true.

Sylvia took this shot of Stacy the day before at Sylvia’s oldest sister’s house.

Jason, Dad and Stacy

We had a very nice visit. I spent some time updating security software on Dad’s computer. We had plenty of time to chat and enjoy being together.

After lunch, Stacy and Jason took her dog, Lily, outside to exercise, which they did. Afterward they picked some mulberries. An earlier commenter on this blog suggested that mulberries are sour. They can be. This year has been cool and we’ve had plenty of rain. The result is some very nice berries this year. The ones that the young folks are picking here were particularly good. (I had some too.)

While Stacy picked mulberries, Lily rested in the shade. Her exercise had gotten her warm and it felt good to lay on the grass in the shade. Just like Uncle Chuck was doing.