His Worst Day — Ever!

It was his worst day ever.  Or was it?

My friend, Roy, sent me this e-mail funny.  You may or may not like it, but I thought it was comical.


There I sat . . . waiting

There I sat . . . waiting

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

 “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d cry. I can’t stand to see a grown man crying.”

 “This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.

 When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance.

 I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man… and then my dog bit me.

 “So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop in the capsule that will end it all. Then, I sit here watching the poison dissolve; and you show up and drink the whole doggone thing!

 “But hey, enough about me. How are you doing?”


The Keys

I’ve found it necessary to minimize my time here at the computer lately.  Yes, it is related to my recent foot surgery and the chronic arthritis problem in my hands.  I still try to visit my fellow bloggers, but little else is happening.

Recently I received this e-mail from my best friend from high school days.  He introduced me to Sylvia, for which I’ll forever be grateful.  Thanks Mel.

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.  I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.  Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.  My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.  My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.  His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered; (I always call him “honey” in times like these.)  “I left my keys in the car and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.  “Are you kidding me,” he barked, “I dropped you off” !!!!!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn’t steal your car.”

Yep it’s the golden years….

Research Provides Insight and Understanding

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?

Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what’s known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.

Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.

It’s not aging, it’s the door! Thank goodness for studies like this.

Some Things Never Change

The father saw his teenage son sitting on the couch.  There was a faraway look in his eye and a sad, contemplative look on his face.  Teens can be moody, and the father loved his son.  He asked the young man if he was okay and what had him so concerned.

He replied, “I’m okay Dad.  I just don’t understand girls.”

The father sat down beside his son.  Nodding his head he said, “I know . . . but that will change.  Soon you’ll be a man and it will be different.”

The son looked at his dad and said, “Thanks Dad.  That’s good to know.”

The father smiled back at his son as a wistful look spread across his face.  “Yes son, soon you’ll be a man and then you’ll realize you don’t know a thing about women.”

Why should any of us guys think it should be any different in our own case?

Thought for the Day

“Being popular in the blogosphere is like always sitting at the very best table in the cafeteria at the state mental hospital.”

Okay, that wasn’t original.  I adapted it from a retweet by NASCAR driver, Brad Keselowski, on Twitter.  It was too good not to share it (in modified form) with you. ;)  Share if you dare.

If you can stand any more after that shameless “borrowing,” here are some excerpts from an e-mail that came to me from Sylvia’s cousin, Richard.  He loves to share with us and we look forward to his frequent messages.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Wokking the Cat ~ Follow up

I woke this morning to find a few e-mails in the electronic inbox.  One of them was from my son, Scott.  His message included a couple of links to videos that went along with yesterday’s post.  They were both good, and I enjoyed them.  However, I like this version better.

For anyone from the Canine Companion Coalition Program, no one here on this Secondary Road wants you to feel left out.  So the following is offered for your benefit and enjoyment with hope that you do.

Now that I’ve offended my dog and cat loving friends out there, it’s time to quit.  Maybe Pricilla will still love me?  A little bit?

Hope you’re having a good week.  Midnight says, “Meow.”

A Secondary Roads Christmas Eve Extra

I was going through images on my computer when I came across these to pix of furry feline friends.  They seem appropriate to the season.

Is that Midnight’s buddy Hobbes?

All of you kitty keepers know that they sometimes get in trouble.  However, you can always expect them to be right there trying to help you in what ever task it may be.  Midnight loves to help sweep the floor.  And when it comes to gift wrapping and packing . . .  Well this guy demonstrates how helpful your kitty can be.

Our four-footed helper

Do you have helpers as handy as these?  I do.


First, from the e-mail inbox.

My lovely bride sent the following to me recently:

Why Grandmas Are Smart

I was out walking with my grandson. He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.

“Why” my grandson asked.

“Because it’s been on the ground; you don’t know where it’s been; it’s dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied.

At this point, my grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart.”

I was thinking quickly and said to him. “All grandmas know stuff.  It’s on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a grandma.”

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.

“Oh, I get it! He beamed, So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the grandpa.”

“Exactly,” I replied with a big smile on my face.

Do you think she was sending me a message?  Before you answer, and in my own defense, let me quickly add that we do not have a grandson.

It is a funny a story and Sylvia has a wonderful sense of humor.  We both got a bit laugh out of this silly tale.  We do that a lot.


We had a visitor on Sunday and he’ll be with me again today while Sylvia is visiting her Dad.  I’ve known Jon since he was a pre-teen and we always have a good time together.  Today looks like a good day to spend in front of the TV watching Sci Fi flicks.

Tomorrow a High-School student and granddaughter of my good friend, Roy is coming to work on pre-calculus math.  I’m looking forward to that–a lot.  It has been a while since I’ve cracked the trigonometry book, but use it from time to time.  I’m actually quite excited about the opportunity.

In recent days, the skies have been leaden gray.  A sure sign of winter here in west Michigan.  At least the grass is [mostly] green.  That may change by week’s end.

Yesterday I spent a few hours fixing the color printer.  The problem?  The printer cable was loose on the back of the computer.  Why hadn’t I secured the screws that hold it in place?  Aarrrgh.  Sometimes it drives me whacky!

Company has arrived.

Just For Laughs

A post last week from my good friend, Vanilla, got me thinking about humor.  What do you find funny?  Is it some of the juvenile stuff that you see on TV these days?  Who writes that stuff?  Adolescent males?

Try some of the so-called comedy shows.  Who comes up with those ideas?  Stand-up comedians?  Why is profane language and bathroom humor funny to mature adults?  I don’t get it.  Okay, I thought those things were funny when I was in junior high school.

Fortunately, if you get RFD TV, there is still good clean humor available.  Check your program listings.

Hee Haw is alive and well!

Do you remember when this series was on TV?  During part of its run, we were living in South America.  The only American TV available was Kung Fu, starring David Carradine.  The sound track was in Spanish, but we enjoyed watching this with our sons each Sunday evening, but that’s not humor.

It’s good to be able to catch up on the Hee Haw fun that I missed.  Here’s an excerpt from one of the weekly segments:

What do you watch just for laughs?

For You Square Dancers . . .

Our blogger bud, Lin, posted a video the other day.  She was square dancing with her daughter.  Some folks had to ask why her hubby, Joe, wasn’t dancing with her.  She explained that Joe was shooting the video.  Also he doesn’t particularly enjoy square dancing.  Well I have the answer for Joe.  And for all of us guys who would prefer a more manly alternative to dancing.  Here it is:

Be sure to tell Joe about this–he’ll want to try it for sure.  Afterward, we can all go and watch the demolition derby.  A perfect day.  Aaahhh . . .